god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i wish my penis had a tongue
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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