I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
