dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize