He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
