what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
