i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
