whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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