i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
