How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
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my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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