I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
