Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
