i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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