Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
