Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
