Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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