he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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