Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
