the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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