i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
