Little spoons don't ask big questions
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
