just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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