No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
