I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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