You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
