just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
