Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
