Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
