were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
