these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
