somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
