I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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