Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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