we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
