pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
