allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
