he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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