Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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