My brain says no but my pants say off.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
