I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
