Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't put those talents on a resume
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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