just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
