Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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