I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
