actually, I'm a sock model
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
