i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
