so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
