I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
