yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
