Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
