I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
