i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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