Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
there's paper in my vomit.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
