Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
