Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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