Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
