She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
