dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize