This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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