I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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