no, he came in my armpit
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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