I want to have your abortion
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
