remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
