Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
